Call it a premonition but I knew the second she came visiting. She arrives just when I remember the deadline for a looming project. The daylight dims for a second as a grey cloud covers the sun. For a seemingly sunny day, I shivered because I knew she was close.
The clouds had completely covered the sun. Not in the way it does when it’s about to rain, but into a dull gloomy day with enough sunlight to illuminate the afternoon.
Usually, I’d hear the doorbell or maybe a subtle sign that she had arrived. It was usually accompanied by a sense of dread and hopelessness for me. I blinked for just a second. I looked into the mirror, and I swear she had enveloped me with her presence this time. She had become an invisible cloak only I could see.
She had become a shadow only experienced by those around me. They could not see her, but they experienced her presence through me and yes, they knew her name, Procrastination. Some of my friends were best friends with her, and I am sure some of you readers know her very well based on her description in this article.
I spoke quietly whilst looking in the mirror, ‘Please leave me alone. I was trying my best to soothe the turmoil inside me with a few temporal physical alterations to my appearance. She appeared then and smiled as if to approve the shade of lipstick I chose and nodded.
‘Leave me alone.’ I said, much louder this time. She looked at me as if to mock the fake confidence I had exuded into the mirror.
‘You know I am not leaving anytime soon.' she countered. Let's go see what is online and if we find nothing is interesting, we will just alternate between the social media apps on your phone, Procrastination smiled wider.
‘But I don’t want to do that anymore.’ I spoke. I have so much to do. I have to figure out what to do for my future and even then, I want to plan and work towards it, I literally whimpered this time. I was exhausted from this daily invisible fight with Procrastination. I knew I could not explain to anybody but maybe by writing about it some readers can relate.
‘But that’s so boring’ she whined ignoring my obvious displeasure and emotional turmoil she was subjecting me to. She knew the agony she was putting me through, but she very clearly did not care. My torture was her pleasure. She had become the architect of my self-doubt, the unwanted friend I could not get rid of.
‘Besides, she continued, you have more time on your projects. You can do them and blame them on working best under pressure. That has worked for us over the years. It's foolproof.'
‘You are the fool’. I snapped.
‘But you are the fool who keeps listening to me, she grinned wider. Now stop this bickering and pick the phone up. We have missed a lot online in the past five minutes.’ She said, glancing at the invisible watch on her wrist.
And as if the devil was waiting for her cue, my phone beeped. It was a social media notification.